Thankful

I told him on Thanksgiving Day, but...

I'm really, truly thankful for my amazing boyfriend. It's incredible to feel like I've finally found someone who is my partner in life, completely. There is nothing that I can't come to him with, nothing he would refuse me (and I him). I am so excited for all of the things that our future holds!

I'm thankful for the wonderful family that I was able to spend Thanksgiving with, which was both my family and his. It feels so comforting to feel like his family has really embraced me as one of their own, like I belong.

I'm thankful for the family that I love very much that I wasn't able to spend the day with too. They were still in my thoughts, even if they weren't at my table.

A Dream Has Died

It's official. Prince William is engaged.

I know. Terrible news.

As a little girl, I always dreamed that I'd marry Prince William. We were the same age, he was cute, he was a Prince, sexy accent. It was all perfect. I knew that if we were ever to meet that he would instantly fall in love with me.

I was even in London, at Prince Charles' residence on Williams 16th birthday. Alas, we didn't meet. Why didn't I study abroad in Scotland in college?!

I usually never get wrapped up in media stories like this, but I can't help but admit I think this is a bit exciting. I think they're an adorable couple, she's very pretty, and I hope they really do have a great, untroubled life.

Late Night Politics

It's interesting that the religious right-wing (Republicans, usually) is adamantly against abortion, and yet are frequently pro-death penalty and against gun control? It seems inconsistent that they place such a high value on life, but only before it enters the world. And that this same group is often the ones voting against keeping all of these precious lives healthy through measures such as health care for all, because that crosses the line into too much government interference in peoples' private lives (but we want to control your reproductive life!).

Hmm...seems very inconsistent to me.

Good Intentions

I really do have good intentions to blog frequently. I even dream up posts in my head while going about my day or doing this or that. But...clearly, these rarely become reality. The funny thing is that I love reading blogs where there are frequent, if not daily posts. I get annoyed when it's been awhile since my favorites have updated. I'm a terrible blog lurker, but have recently begun to publicly "follow" some because I know it's sometimes nice to know someone out there is listening. Hello and thanks to my first public follower! I love having a little glimpse now and then into your sweet world :)

I've been struggling a lot lately. Facing a lot of big decisions, both self-inflicted and life-inflicted. To be honest life has just been hard lately and I'm not quite keeping up the way I'd like to.

I've been debating, as I'm sure most bloggers do, just how much to share openly in this online world. Less of this is due to privacy concerns than it is to my own self esteem and the idea of feeling emotionally vulnerable, which is something that I tend to avoid among even my closest circle. I know a ton of people don't read my blog (I think), but I know that I'm not entirely anonymous either. Part of me wants to let it all come rushing out, and the other part wants desperately to keep the blankets over my head!

Summer

How can my summer be nearly gone?!

This summer has been...interesting.

I've had fun and done some great things, but in my personal life I've had a lot on my plate.

The highlight of the summer has definitely been the trip to Florida. My boyfriend and I went to Universal Studios, but more specifically, we went for Infinitus 2010 and the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Yes, we went to a Harry Potter conference. Yes, we are that big of dorks when it comes to Harry Potter. And it. Was. Awesome. Fantastic! Totally worth it! And we are already trying to plan for LeakyCon 2011 next year in Orlando. More about that trip to follow, it definitely deserves its own post with lots of pictures.

At the end of July we took our annual camping and whitewater rafting trip for my boyfriends birthday. Camping was a ton of fun, we met up with some friends and had a great spot to camp at. Rafting was nice, but not the excitement that I usually prefer. We did get to see a bald eagle on our rafting trip, which was exciting- my boyfriend had never seen one before- I haven't seen one since my last trip to Alaska. I also saw an antelope, it was beautiful, I've never seen a wild one before!

Those have been our "big" events, but it seems like every weekend has been filled with some family or friend obligation or another. I've had very little true down-time, which is a bit disappointing.

Needless to say, I'm not ready for the summer to end. I love the nice weather and long days. I love not being burdened with both school and work. I haven't accomplished pretty much anything that was on my mental to-do list.

I've been struggling a lot with some personal issues, and I'm actively trying to get things under control, or at least work through them. This is not easy, and I'm sure that it will not be a quick process, but one that will hopefully pay off in the end.

I'm very conflicted about whether to continue my schooling at the moment. I am just so tired. Tired of juggling school and work. Tired of being a student. Tired of all of the work and energy and time that school requires. Of course, I would much prefer to just be a student and not work, but unfortunately, that isn't currently an option. Additionally, in the back of my mind is always my internal debate about the time and money to get my masters degree when I have a very strong desire to someday be a stay-at-home mom. Is it worth it? Is it better to do that now or later after my (future) children are in school? Of course, I know that schooling is easier to complete without a family to worry about or juggle. But, if I take on all of this schooling and training and student loan debt, I won't really have the option to be the stay-at-home mom that I would like to be. If anyone else has dealt with a similar situation or decision, I'd love to hear from you and how you made your decision.

So, in a nutshell, that's been my summer. It has been both great and fun and relaxing and also not everything (or as long as) I'd hoped it would be.

Be Thankful

Today, while I was unfortunately working, I was powerfully touched by the story of one of the nurses I was working with.

This particular nurse has a young adult son who is slowly dying of a genetic disease, the same one that took the life of his father, her husband. She has every reason to feel sorry for herself, watching her son waste away, knowing that it is only a matter of time until half of her family is lost to this awful disease.

This nurse recounted an experience that she had the other day. After walking with her dogs in the rain, she brought them home and put them in the shower to wash off the wet dog smell. The dogs then proceeded to run like maniacs in an attempt to dry themselves. This nurse and her son were so entertained by the antics of their dogs that they were laughing hysterically. She was suddenly so caught up by the laughter and sheer  joy of the moment that she just burst out to her son how much she loved him and was so grateful that she has had the privilege of having him in her life, along with these wonderful dogs that bring them both so much happiness. She was able to realize that she was lucky for these simple pleasures, no matter how briefly they might last.

This simple story, recounting what some might see as mundane daily life, touched me profoundly in that moment. I had a sudden epiphany in that moment.

What an ungrateful little complainer I am. I have so much that I should be thankful for. Despite life's imperfections and struggles, and the intermittent real personal struggle and tragedy, on the whole I should be happy for all that I have.

Yes, school is hard. Working two jobs, with no benefits is difficult and stressful. I wish I had a more spacious home. I wish that I were done with my education. I wish that I were already married and a mother. But it is important to remember that all of these challenges are making me a better person, as unpleasant as the process might be at times. Things might not always happen on my desired timeline, but I know that there is a greater plan that I cannot always comprehend. I have a wonderful family and boyfriend, and a best friend who has been there for me for the past 16 years.

I need to remember these things more often.

Remember to stop and be thankful, count your blessings.

Operation Veggisaur

My boyfriend and I are trying a little experiment for the month of June. We are going vegetarian. We are currently 5 days in and I think it's going pretty well.

We would like to be healthier, but to be honest, this isn't our primary motivation. I wouldn't complain if it helps me drop a few pounds either...

Our main motivation are the ethics behind the meat we consume. I love animals dearly. ALL of them, even the ones most people hate. LOVE THEM. Somehow, it just doesn't seem right to eat them, but I was raised in a meat-eating family and generally haven't ever given this a second thought. I like meat, it tastes good, so why rock the boat, right?

Recently my boyfriend and I watched Food Inc. and were incredibly disturbed by what we saw. This was really the trigger. I honestly wouldn't have minded drastically reducing our meat intake prior to this (while I like meat I don't really like to eat vast quantities of it), but I figured that my boyfriend would never go for it- he is a serious carnivore. But, when he suggested this little challenge, I disbelivingly accepted.

Additionally, I've recently been exposed to a more open-minded view about what we eat, where it came from and how it was made. I've been reading more about this topic, and for whatever reason it has stayed at the forefront of my mind. I don't honestly think that I will ever be a total vegetarian, I'm not ruling it out though.

I think that family gatherings and holidays as a vegetarian would be very difficult. I also think that world travel as a vegetarian might be difficult (which I hope and plan to do a lot of), partially because experiencing local dishes is an intrinsic part of the travel experience and partly because I think language barriers and foreign food preparation methods would make this difficult.

I hope to learn from this challenge. I grew up in a home, like I mentioned above, that eats meat. I honestly don't know how to cook very many meals that aren't based around some type of meat. So, I'll have to re-learn some cooking skills. This, so far, has been good. I'm exploring new foods and trying new things (including faux meats, which has been difficult to wrap my brain around). I'm also trying several recipes that are familiar and just trying them without the meat. I'm giving much more thought to my nutrient intakes, particularly protein- also good.

So, Operation Veggisaur is underway! Wish us luck, and if you have any good vegetarian recipes, send them my way!