My Birthday

My birthday came, and went, in a haze of school work. It was the 10th, and my last day of final exams. I woke up early to finish a paper- ran it down to campus to turn it in, then came home and frantically studied for my exam that afternoon- took my exam, and then came home and worked on my last paper until 3 am to finish it on time. What a fun day! I did take a break for a couple of hours to eat dinner and chocolate cupcakes with my aunts and boyfriend and open a few presents. Pretty low-key for me.

Daniel and I will go out later in the next week or two to really celebrate, and by that, I mean go out to a nice dinner where I can probably eat a steak ;)

I must say though, the closer that this number creeps toward 30, the more freaked out I get! I just haven't done/accomplished all of the things I thought I would have by this point in my life. I guess that things will happen when they happen, not necessarily on my time-line.

Graduation

Whew! My semester from hell is over! I hope the next one is better, or at least not as bad! With schedule changes in various syllabi I wound up having 4 major research papers plus final exams all fall within 6 days of each other, what a nightmare. Everything got submitted in the end though, and not too much was late.

I went in the week before finals to discuss GRADUATION with my advisor, and assuming I don't bomb any finals or otherwise mysteriously fail to pass my classes, I'm on track to graduate in May! I can't even believe that I'm 12 credit hours away from graduation, 4 more classes and I'm done! This has been such a long time in coming that it's almost too surreal to believe.

College has been a much harder road than I anticipated, not because the classes themselves have been difficult, but just because so much life has gotten in the way. When I started college in the fall of 2000 (I know, this has taken forever) I was a vocal music education major at the University of Northern Colorado in Greeley. I did that for almost two years, until I was in a major car accident in March of 2002. That accident caused me to move back home so that I could recover. So during all of this I took a few classes at Metro State to keep going, but not a full schedule. When I was finally ready to return to UNC in Greeley, about a year later, my Mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. So, I stayed in Lakewood and took care of her doing home hospice care until she died, nearly a year later. While she was sick, I kept taking a few classes, again, just to keep making progress, but nothing full-time. After her death, I did finally take a little time off to just regroup and try to get myself together. Unfortunately, by the time all of this had taken place, my full scholarship had exceeded it's time limit and now I would have to pay for school. This was unfortunate, but I'm glad that I made the choice to be with my Mom. I've had time since for school, while the time we had together was limited. So, I was finally ready to go back to school full-time, but now I also had to work full-time, so I've essentially maintained the very minimum course load to qualify as a full-time student, which also didn't save me any time.

Along the way, with all of this, I decided that music wasn't really where my heart was any longer, I decided that I wanted to get a bachelor's degree in Psychology, and start fulfilling the extra courses required to prepare for medical school. Well, now, after many extra classes, I've also decided that medical school is not for me. While I would love to have all of that knowledge, and the ability to practice obstetrics in the fullest possible way, I've realized that I don't agree in many ways with the biomedical model of care. But, from my work experience- and life-long obsession with babies and pregnant women- I do know that I definitely want to work in the women's healthcare field. I've decided that after getting my first Bachelor's degree, which will be a BA in Psychology, I am going to apply to nursing school for a second Bachelor's degree of science in nursing. I'm hoping to get into an accelerated one-year program. The accelerated programs are very intense (a whole 2nd Bachelor's degree in one year!), and expensive, but the trade-off for having zero life for one year is being done quickly. I think I can live with that-or at least survive it!

I think that nursing will be a good fit for me, personality-wise. I feel like I'm really good at working with patients and I easily form bonds with patients-maybe it's just that I currently get work with amazing women as patients. I also would like to work with fewer time constraints than physicians have, so that I can spend more time directly with patients. I think that nursing will provide a schedule much more conducive to having a family, which is definitely a priority for me. I really feel like nursing will provide me with an avenue to truly help others. When considering medicine, I was always interested in volunteering abroad, like with Doctors Without Borders, and nursing will allow me to do these things too. Eventually, maybe right away, or maybe a few years down the road, I would like to pursue a master's degree in Midwifery, so that I can finally do what I've wanted to do since I was 10 years old- deliver babies.

So, almost nine years in the making, I'm on the cusp of getting my Bachelor's degree. I'm proud of myself for sticking to this, despite everything that life has thrown my way during that time, and a little surprised that I didn't just give up- that would have certainly been easier at times. I will be the first one in my immediate family (and most of my extended family) to earn a college degree, which I'm also very proud of! It's hard to believe that my first college journey will be over in five months- just 32 days of classes left to attend (yes, I counted).

I'm so excited to be done! To finally feel like I've accomplished something!

Then on to more school, *sigh*, I guess I'm just a glutton for punishment...

Race to the Finish Line

Holy cow! I can't believe it's been a month since I've written anything. It has really been one heck of a month, I've got a lot to go back and catch up on. The election!!! My pending graduation!!! My rapidly approaching birthday! My first Thanksgiving!

More than anything right now I'm just fighting sleep deprivation and constant stress. The semester is coming to a screeching halt and I'm frantically trying to catch up to it. I can honestly say, that to date, I've never had such a rough semester. That may of course be due to the fact that I wound up with 4 major research papers, plus final exams, all happening within less than one week of each other. Did I plan ahead? No. Should I have planned ahead and maybe started at least one paper early? Definitely. But, well, that's not really my style. I'm a fly by the seat of my pants kind of researcher! I'll admit that this is not the best strategy, but I always wind up with an "A," so I guess the mild heart attacks along the way pay off in the end. It has really helped to have an understanding and helpful boyfriend- from looking up references to frequently fetching take-out food, and just being quiet, Daniel has been an asset through all of this stress. In the mean time, for everyone else who has been wondering about me not answering my phone or the incredibly brief phone calls, my last final exam is on my birthday! Lucky me!! I should resurface then. Until then, anyone shopping for me can get me a timeturner.

Anxiety

I am ready to go crazy over all of this election nonsense! I have never been so invested in a presidental candidate or campaign as I have been currently. I have made sure to vote in every election that I have been eligible to, and have been terribly disappointed by the results of those previous elections. This is nothing to what I will feel tomorrow if my candidate loses. I actually really believe that he will win, but I have learned through experience not to doubt the power of stupidity and ignorance.

If Barack Obama does not become our next President, I truly fear for the future of this country. I honestly don't think that I can stand another four or more years under a republican presidency... I may look into emigration.

Go vote!!! Good luck Barack!!

Trying to muster the energy...

I read plenty of self-improvement stuff, but I don't usually put these great suggestions into action. Not that I don't want to, it's just so time consuming! Right now there are so many things on my plate that I want to change that I'm really not sure where to even begin.

Drink more water. Exercise everyday, or at least 4-5 days out of the week. Get enough sleep. Go to bed at a regular, and reasonable time. Get up at the same (early) time every day. Stop napping. Eat healthier. Eat smaller portions. Cook more at home- eat out less. Keep my condo clean and organized. Go to all of my classes. Do my homework on time, do some every day. Write in my journal every day, or at least regularly. And on and on...

So, maybe I'm putting too much pressure on myself- or maybe I'm incredibly inept at running my own life? I'm not sure. But I'm a perfectionist. This works both for me and against me. I do things really well, but I don't like to do them unless I know I can do really well. I'm a huge procrastinator. I'm also fairly lazy if left to my own devices- I would much rather do something fun and unproductive than exert myself needlessly.

So, I'm just generally stressed out and I feel like my "to-do" list never gets shortened. I keep wanting to get started on an exercise program, but always am finding excuses to not start today. I have too much homework, or a test at school this week. I'm too tired. I want to sleep in when I have the chance. Same thing with my dieting- I'm too tired to cook today, I'll eat healthy starting next week. I've decided I just need to suck it up and get on with it. Obviously, life isn't going to get any easier, I'm never going to find extra time. I have to make it.

So, back to the self-help reading. I read all sorts of diet and exercise info, research, etc. Some say to just focus on making one change at a time to turn it into a habit. But this hasn't really worked out for me so far, I kind of lose focus and forget what I was working on and then change focus. So, other research says that you have a better chance of making multiple changes- major changes- all at once. You have better odds of having at least a few of them stick for the long-term. So, starting tomorrow, this is what I'm tackling. I will get up early and go to the gym before class, then I will go to all of my classes, and on, and on...

Politics

I am aware that this is a very touchy subject for most people, and understandably so, but I just thought I'd put my own philosophies out there in the universe; hopefully, they will prompt someone else to think of such things and maybe just start to make things better here. I know that this is a big order to fill~ I'm just hoping! *Warning: this is my longest post to date- but I've just got to get this out there* To a lot of people my personal/religious views (which are VERY conservative) are sort of conflicting with political views that are, well, pretty liberal. I can understand this, but please also understand that I believe SUPREMELY that this nation was founded on the separation of church and state; and that, as such, my religious views and personal decisions are just that, mine. I believe that my religious views have no part in politics and that they *while they dictate my life choices* should not dictate others', I would like the same respect in turn; religion is religion and politics are politics. So on this general principle I feel like the conservative right dominating a political party is wrong. I also feel with all of my heart that the Democratic party's view/position is just so much more socially responsible.

While my leanings are not entirely Democratic, in the last three elections at least, this has been the lesser of two evils for me. For instance, while I know some people are afraid of socialism, I believe that my country would not be in the dire position that it is in if the government *as I believe it should* provided (or oversaw) a few basic necessities of life for all of its people: healthcare, energy, and education. I do believe that our government could provide all of these things without dramatically increasing taxes (or potentially without increasing them at all) by simply appropriately spending the money that they do have and eliminating the outrageous waste that does occur. Additionally, while all of these things would initially cost quite a lot of money, over the course of time they would save a tremendous amount more. I'll go on about these three which I think are of paramount importance, although there are many other important issues too.

Healthcare is vital for all people. And more importantly, NO ONE should be denied healthcare or go bankrupt to try to obtain it. I believe that health, good health, is a universal human right, the world has the means and the technology to do this. The current system that we have in place is completely capitalistic and for profit- huge profits, I might add, and that it is truly disgusting. First, if the government controlled healthcare it could keep the costs lower- there would be no price gouging, thus making it more economically feasible. Insurance and pharmaceutical companies make huge profits and control the healthcare market, and insurance in particular, can also choose to deny anyone they see as a risk for costing them money. By having the entire population have equal access to healthcare, people could obtain adequate access to preventative care, which is far more cost effective than emergency care and high level care required to treat simple conditions that have escalated into true medical emergencies simply because they were not treated in a timely manner. Plus, research shows that people who receive regular preventative healthcare have better overall health.

Many countries with these sort of medical, dental and pharmaceutical plans in place have been a great success- see some of the documentaries I have recommended. I have personally spoken with people from England (and visited countries with these great systems), including healthcare providers, who advocate this as a great thing. Everyone is taken care of! Everyone receives the same, good quality care! Imagine that! Many people argue that they would begin to receive substandard care under such a system or have to wait months to be seen or to have essential surgeries or other procedures, but this is simply not true. First, all of our existing doctors would not just disappear and be replaced by new "government" doctors- they would still be here, doing their jobs, I'm sure, just as they always have. And lets be honest- when it's not an emergency, how quickly do you get in for a doctor's appointment now? I had to wait almost 3 months for a dermatology appointment this summer and it's usually at least 2 months out for a regular visit with my gynecologist. I work for physicians- when you are having an elective surgery, it is scheduled based upon the surgeon's schedule and the hospital's availability. But if you go into the hospital having a heart attack, they don't even check you in, you are seen immediately (because that takes priority over someone with a minor complaint). How long do you usually wait to be seen at the emergency room? Maybe if people could go to their primary physician when they were sick (because they didn't have to worry about not being able to afford it) they wouldn't clog our hospitals for common health concerns and they could operate more efficiently. This is no different than it is in any other country with free universal healthcare. And, in case anyone wasn't aware, Americans' health isn't that great. We don't even rank in the top 25 of developed nations for life expectancy, and we have poorer health and more chronic health problems, I personally think that for such a great nation that this is inexcusable, we can and should do better.

I personally, having experienced a major health crisis with my mother when she had lung cancer, remember the stress and the financial burden of something so terrible. Trying to find ANY insurance that would cover her, and then being charged over $500 per month in premiums for just her! And being told at the oncologists office that just one particular bag of chemotherapy medicine was $13,000! Just one, and she was receiving multiple medicines at one time. Or going to the pharmacy to pick up her prescriptions and having a 10 day supply of medicine cost over $300- $30 per pill!!! This is really criminal, and for many people it is life or death- what if it were you, or your mother, or your child?

I also strongly feel that if the government controlled our energy supply that the nation would be better off as a whole. Compare the prices you were paying for gas before George W. Bush became president, and now- does it cost you more to heat your home too? Now, while I dislike Bush, he is not the sole cause of these problems, but his oil policies have not made things any better for us. I think we need to incorporate several energy and transportation methods into the solution to this problem. While we definitely need to make use of the technology we have and implement more wind, solar and water power; I think the best and cheapest option we have available is nuclear power. We now have the technology to do this well, it's clean and unlike the past we can minimize problems. Nuclear energy scares many people, but we are far beyond the Chernobyl days. We have the open space in this country to relatively isolate plants and the technology to make them very safe. Nuclear energy is so much more cost effective, what costs us $30 a month now, we could get for $3 a month- and it doesn't pollute like gas does. We also need to repair and ramp up our train system. It is so much more cost effective to transport goods by train than by semi-truck, at least for long distances. Along the same lines, I think that every metropolitan city, or even every city with more than 75-100,000 people needs to have an excellent public transportation system in place, whether that be subways or trains.

And last, but certainly not least, the one that's hurting most of us the most right now- GAS. Wow, we really need to fix this one quickly! First, we're spending a ton of money rebuilding Iraq and they have a huge financial surplus, while we have a huge deficit. They should be repaying us for our services with their only commodity, which they have a ton of- oil- period. We should not be doing this for free, and we are the only, or one of the only, countries left doing so. Also, we should be using what oil deposits we have. I care very much about our environment, and want to keep it beautiful- I'm an Alaskan by birth and absolutely want that beautiful place to be preserved (along with all of our country's beautiful places), but we also have the ability now to extract our oil without destroying the environment around us- it just needs to be done responsibly.

As a student, education is a very important issue to me. I am working four part-time jobs to pay my living expenses (which are fairly modest) and have to take out student loans for tuition to put myself through school. This is not easy, in fact, it is one of the most difficult things that I have ever done, but I think that the value of a college education is very high and the reward of a career that can adequately support myself and my future family (if need be) is worth this temporary sacrifice. I am also aware how many people never have this opportunity, or never take it because of the sacrifices that it entails. I think that education is something, like healthcare, that should be a basic human right. Everyone benefits from education individually, and society benefits from an educated populace. While my focus is mainly on making college affordable for all, this extends to all levels of education, which are sadly under par in this nation. I think that all state run institutions should be free, as a university education is in France, for example. Of course, if someone has the means to pay for an expensive private education or higher degrees, that's great, but a basic education, from pre-school on, including a bachelors degree shouldn't cause people $30-60,000 in debt.

How much better would your life be if you never had to worry about how to pay for your healthcare, especially if something catastrophic were to happen to you or a family member? Or if you could afford to go to college and didn't leave school with thousands of dollars of student loan debt hanging over your head? How much more productive would our society be if people were healthier and better educated? What about heating or cooling your home without fear that you can pay the rest of your bills, or that you can actually afford to travel to and from your job, so that you can afford to keep paying those bills? While I, like most Americans, feel that the government is already taking too much of my small paychecks, I would willingly have more taken out to have the security and equality that these measures would offer. I know that these changes are not likely to happen without some sort of revolution taking place, but I for one will continue to hope that someone else will realize the potential and good that would come from these things. Our country will quickly become a third-world nation if our middle class cannot afford to survive. We will have the very few rich and the rest living in poverty. We are living, now, more than half a century later with New Deal policies and politics (which were revolutionary and great for their time!), which no longer address our society's realities. Big change is needed for us to stay afloat, I'm just afraid that the nation is too afraid of the changes it will take.

Please get out there and register to vote! And then show up on election day and make changes happen!

WOW

I really can't believe that this person is a consideration for ANY government position, much less Vice President- and given John McCain's health record and age- lets be honest, she's one small step away from the real thing! I will admit, she did better than I expected in the Vice Presidential debate, but, then again, should the mere fact that she didn't screw up be considered a success? I don't think so. And, incidentally, she spent most of the debate talking about herself and trying to be as cute and folksy as possible- and I, for one, don't find it to be a positive or down to earth quality I want in a leader, I want someone who can be a professional and is actually well-spoken.

Here is a clip of her recent interview with Katie Couric on the CBS Evening News:


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I also strongly suggest you watch Tina Fey's spot-on impersonation on Saturday Night Live's website- it's hilarious and eerily accurate!