I read plenty of self-improvement stuff, but I don't usually put these great suggestions into action. Not that I don't want to, it's just so time consuming! Right now there are so many things on my plate that I want to change that I'm really not sure where to even begin.
Drink more water. Exercise everyday, or at least 4-5 days out of the week. Get enough sleep. Go to bed at a regular, and reasonable time. Get up at the same (early) time every day. Stop napping. Eat healthier. Eat smaller portions. Cook more at home- eat out less. Keep my condo clean and organized. Go to all of my classes. Do my homework on time, do some every day. Write in my journal every day, or at least regularly. And on and on...
So, maybe I'm putting too much pressure on myself- or maybe I'm incredibly inept at running my own life? I'm not sure. But I'm a perfectionist. This works both for me and against me. I do things really well, but I don't like to do them unless I know I can do really well. I'm a huge procrastinator. I'm also fairly lazy if left to my own devices- I would much rather do something fun and unproductive than exert myself needlessly.
So, I'm just generally stressed out and I feel like my "to-do" list never gets shortened. I keep wanting to get started on an exercise program, but always am finding excuses to not start today. I have too much homework, or a test at school this week. I'm too tired. I want to sleep in when I have the chance. Same thing with my dieting- I'm too tired to cook today, I'll eat healthy starting next week. I've decided I just need to suck it up and get on with it. Obviously, life isn't going to get any easier, I'm never going to find extra time. I have to make it.
So, back to the self-help reading. I read all sorts of diet and exercise info, research, etc. Some say to just focus on making one change at a time to turn it into a habit. But this hasn't really worked out for me so far, I kind of lose focus and forget what I was working on and then change focus. So, other research says that you have a better chance of making multiple changes- major changes- all at once. You have better odds of having at least a few of them stick for the long-term. So, starting tomorrow, this is what I'm tackling. I will get up early and go to the gym before class, then I will go to all of my classes, and on, and on...
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Politics
I am aware that this is a very touchy subject for most people, and understandably so, but I just thought I'd put my own philosophies out there in the universe; hopefully, they will prompt someone else to think of such things and maybe just start to make things better here. I know that this is a big order to fill~ I'm just hoping! *Warning: this is my longest post to date- but I've just got to get this out there* To a lot of people my personal/religious views (which are VERY conservative) are sort of conflicting with political views that are, well, pretty liberal. I can understand this, but please also understand that I believe SUPREMELY that this nation was founded on the separation of church and state; and that, as such, my religious views and personal decisions are just that, mine. I believe that my religious views have no part in politics and that they *while they dictate my life choices* should not dictate others', I would like the same respect in turn; religion is religion and politics are politics. So on this general principle I feel like the conservative right dominating a political party is wrong. I also feel with all of my heart that the Democratic party's view/position is just so much more socially responsible.
While my leanings are not entirely Democratic, in the last three elections at least, this has been the lesser of two evils for me. For instance, while I know some people are afraid of socialism, I believe that my country would not be in the dire position that it is in if the government *as I believe it should* provided (or oversaw) a few basic necessities of life for all of its people: healthcare, energy, and education. I do believe that our government could provide all of these things without dramatically increasing taxes (or potentially without increasing them at all) by simply appropriately spending the money that they do have and eliminating the outrageous waste that does occur. Additionally, while all of these things would initially cost quite a lot of money, over the course of time they would save a tremendous amount more. I'll go on about these three which I think are of paramount importance, although there are many other important issues too.
Healthcare is vital for all people. And more importantly, NO ONE should be denied healthcare or go bankrupt to try to obtain it. I believe that health, good health, is a universal human right, the world has the means and the technology to do this. The current system that we have in place is completely capitalistic and for profit- huge profits, I might add, and that it is truly disgusting. First, if the government controlled healthcare it could keep the costs lower- there would be no price gouging, thus making it more economically feasible. Insurance and pharmaceutical companies make huge profits and control the healthcare market, and insurance in particular, can also choose to deny anyone they see as a risk for costing them money. By having the entire population have equal access to healthcare, people could obtain adequate access to preventative care, which is far more cost effective than emergency care and high level care required to treat simple conditions that have escalated into true medical emergencies simply because they were not treated in a timely manner. Plus, research shows that people who receive regular preventative healthcare have better overall health.
Many countries with these sort of medical, dental and pharmaceutical plans in place have been a great success- see some of the documentaries I have recommended. I have personally spoken with people from England (and visited countries with these great systems), including healthcare providers, who advocate this as a great thing. Everyone is taken care of! Everyone receives the same, good quality care! Imagine that! Many people argue that they would begin to receive substandard care under such a system or have to wait months to be seen or to have essential surgeries or other procedures, but this is simply not true. First, all of our existing doctors would not just disappear and be replaced by new "government" doctors- they would still be here, doing their jobs, I'm sure, just as they always have. And lets be honest- when it's not an emergency, how quickly do you get in for a doctor's appointment now? I had to wait almost 3 months for a dermatology appointment this summer and it's usually at least 2 months out for a regular visit with my gynecologist. I work for physicians- when you are having an elective surgery, it is scheduled based upon the surgeon's schedule and the hospital's availability. But if you go into the hospital having a heart attack, they don't even check you in, you are seen immediately (because that takes priority over someone with a minor complaint). How long do you usually wait to be seen at the emergency room? Maybe if people could go to their primary physician when they were sick (because they didn't have to worry about not being able to afford it) they wouldn't clog our hospitals for common health concerns and they could operate more efficiently. This is no different than it is in any other country with free universal healthcare. And, in case anyone wasn't aware, Americans' health isn't that great. We don't even rank in the top 25 of developed nations for life expectancy, and we have poorer health and more chronic health problems, I personally think that for such a great nation that this is inexcusable, we can and should do better.
I personally, having experienced a major health crisis with my mother when she had lung cancer, remember the stress and the financial burden of something so terrible. Trying to find ANY insurance that would cover her, and then being charged over $500 per month in premiums for just her! And being told at the oncologists office that just one particular bag of chemotherapy medicine was $13,000! Just one, and she was receiving multiple medicines at one time. Or going to the pharmacy to pick up her prescriptions and having a 10 day supply of medicine cost over $300- $30 per pill!!! This is really criminal, and for many people it is life or death- what if it were you, or your mother, or your child?
I also strongly feel that if the government controlled our energy supply that the nation would be better off as a whole. Compare the prices you were paying for gas before George W. Bush became president, and now- does it cost you more to heat your home too? Now, while I dislike Bush, he is not the sole cause of these problems, but his oil policies have not made things any better for us. I think we need to incorporate several energy and transportation methods into the solution to this problem. While we definitely need to make use of the technology we have and implement more wind, solar and water power; I think the best and cheapest option we have available is nuclear power. We now have the technology to do this well, it's clean and unlike the past we can minimize problems. Nuclear energy scares many people, but we are far beyond the Chernobyl days. We have the open space in this country to relatively isolate plants and the technology to make them very safe. Nuclear energy is so much more cost effective, what costs us $30 a month now, we could get for $3 a month- and it doesn't pollute like gas does. We also need to repair and ramp up our train system. It is so much more cost effective to transport goods by train than by semi-truck, at least for long distances. Along the same lines, I think that every metropolitan city, or even every city with more than 75-100,000 people needs to have an excellent public transportation system in place, whether that be subways or trains.
And last, but certainly not least, the one that's hurting most of us the most right now- GAS. Wow, we really need to fix this one quickly! First, we're spending a ton of money rebuilding Iraq and they have a huge financial surplus, while we have a huge deficit. They should be repaying us for our services with their only commodity, which they have a ton of- oil- period. We should not be doing this for free, and we are the only, or one of the only, countries left doing so. Also, we should be using what oil deposits we have. I care very much about our environment, and want to keep it beautiful- I'm an Alaskan by birth and absolutely want that beautiful place to be preserved (along with all of our country's beautiful places), but we also have the ability now to extract our oil without destroying the environment around us- it just needs to be done responsibly.
As a student, education is a very important issue to me. I am working four part-time jobs to pay my living expenses (which are fairly modest) and have to take out student loans for tuition to put myself through school. This is not easy, in fact, it is one of the most difficult things that I have ever done, but I think that the value of a college education is very high and the reward of a career that can adequately support myself and my future family (if need be) is worth this temporary sacrifice. I am also aware how many people never have this opportunity, or never take it because of the sacrifices that it entails. I think that education is something, like healthcare, that should be a basic human right. Everyone benefits from education individually, and society benefits from an educated populace. While my focus is mainly on making college affordable for all, this extends to all levels of education, which are sadly under par in this nation. I think that all state run institutions should be free, as a university education is in France, for example. Of course, if someone has the means to pay for an expensive private education or higher degrees, that's great, but a basic education, from pre-school on, including a bachelors degree shouldn't cause people $30-60,000 in debt.
How much better would your life be if you never had to worry about how to pay for your healthcare, especially if something catastrophic were to happen to you or a family member? Or if you could afford to go to college and didn't leave school with thousands of dollars of student loan debt hanging over your head? How much more productive would our society be if people were healthier and better educated? What about heating or cooling your home without fear that you can pay the rest of your bills, or that you can actually afford to travel to and from your job, so that you can afford to keep paying those bills? While I, like most Americans, feel that the government is already taking too much of my small paychecks, I would willingly have more taken out to have the security and equality that these measures would offer. I know that these changes are not likely to happen without some sort of revolution taking place, but I for one will continue to hope that someone else will realize the potential and good that would come from these things. Our country will quickly become a third-world nation if our middle class cannot afford to survive. We will have the very few rich and the rest living in poverty. We are living, now, more than half a century later with New Deal policies and politics (which were revolutionary and great for their time!), which no longer address our society's realities. Big change is needed for us to stay afloat, I'm just afraid that the nation is too afraid of the changes it will take.
Please get out there and register to vote! And then show up on election day and make changes happen!
While my leanings are not entirely Democratic, in the last three elections at least, this has been the lesser of two evils for me. For instance, while I know some people are afraid of socialism, I believe that my country would not be in the dire position that it is in if the government *as I believe it should* provided (or oversaw) a few basic necessities of life for all of its people: healthcare, energy, and education. I do believe that our government could provide all of these things without dramatically increasing taxes (or potentially without increasing them at all) by simply appropriately spending the money that they do have and eliminating the outrageous waste that does occur. Additionally, while all of these things would initially cost quite a lot of money, over the course of time they would save a tremendous amount more. I'll go on about these three which I think are of paramount importance, although there are many other important issues too.
Healthcare is vital for all people. And more importantly, NO ONE should be denied healthcare or go bankrupt to try to obtain it. I believe that health, good health, is a universal human right, the world has the means and the technology to do this. The current system that we have in place is completely capitalistic and for profit- huge profits, I might add, and that it is truly disgusting. First, if the government controlled healthcare it could keep the costs lower- there would be no price gouging, thus making it more economically feasible. Insurance and pharmaceutical companies make huge profits and control the healthcare market, and insurance in particular, can also choose to deny anyone they see as a risk for costing them money. By having the entire population have equal access to healthcare, people could obtain adequate access to preventative care, which is far more cost effective than emergency care and high level care required to treat simple conditions that have escalated into true medical emergencies simply because they were not treated in a timely manner. Plus, research shows that people who receive regular preventative healthcare have better overall health.
Many countries with these sort of medical, dental and pharmaceutical plans in place have been a great success- see some of the documentaries I have recommended. I have personally spoken with people from England (and visited countries with these great systems), including healthcare providers, who advocate this as a great thing. Everyone is taken care of! Everyone receives the same, good quality care! Imagine that! Many people argue that they would begin to receive substandard care under such a system or have to wait months to be seen or to have essential surgeries or other procedures, but this is simply not true. First, all of our existing doctors would not just disappear and be replaced by new "government" doctors- they would still be here, doing their jobs, I'm sure, just as they always have. And lets be honest- when it's not an emergency, how quickly do you get in for a doctor's appointment now? I had to wait almost 3 months for a dermatology appointment this summer and it's usually at least 2 months out for a regular visit with my gynecologist. I work for physicians- when you are having an elective surgery, it is scheduled based upon the surgeon's schedule and the hospital's availability. But if you go into the hospital having a heart attack, they don't even check you in, you are seen immediately (because that takes priority over someone with a minor complaint). How long do you usually wait to be seen at the emergency room? Maybe if people could go to their primary physician when they were sick (because they didn't have to worry about not being able to afford it) they wouldn't clog our hospitals for common health concerns and they could operate more efficiently. This is no different than it is in any other country with free universal healthcare. And, in case anyone wasn't aware, Americans' health isn't that great. We don't even rank in the top 25 of developed nations for life expectancy, and we have poorer health and more chronic health problems, I personally think that for such a great nation that this is inexcusable, we can and should do better.
I personally, having experienced a major health crisis with my mother when she had lung cancer, remember the stress and the financial burden of something so terrible. Trying to find ANY insurance that would cover her, and then being charged over $500 per month in premiums for just her! And being told at the oncologists office that just one particular bag of chemotherapy medicine was $13,000! Just one, and she was receiving multiple medicines at one time. Or going to the pharmacy to pick up her prescriptions and having a 10 day supply of medicine cost over $300- $30 per pill!!! This is really criminal, and for many people it is life or death- what if it were you, or your mother, or your child?
I also strongly feel that if the government controlled our energy supply that the nation would be better off as a whole. Compare the prices you were paying for gas before George W. Bush became president, and now- does it cost you more to heat your home too? Now, while I dislike Bush, he is not the sole cause of these problems, but his oil policies have not made things any better for us. I think we need to incorporate several energy and transportation methods into the solution to this problem. While we definitely need to make use of the technology we have and implement more wind, solar and water power; I think the best and cheapest option we have available is nuclear power. We now have the technology to do this well, it's clean and unlike the past we can minimize problems. Nuclear energy scares many people, but we are far beyond the Chernobyl days. We have the open space in this country to relatively isolate plants and the technology to make them very safe. Nuclear energy is so much more cost effective, what costs us $30 a month now, we could get for $3 a month- and it doesn't pollute like gas does. We also need to repair and ramp up our train system. It is so much more cost effective to transport goods by train than by semi-truck, at least for long distances. Along the same lines, I think that every metropolitan city, or even every city with more than 75-100,000 people needs to have an excellent public transportation system in place, whether that be subways or trains.
And last, but certainly not least, the one that's hurting most of us the most right now- GAS. Wow, we really need to fix this one quickly! First, we're spending a ton of money rebuilding Iraq and they have a huge financial surplus, while we have a huge deficit. They should be repaying us for our services with their only commodity, which they have a ton of- oil- period. We should not be doing this for free, and we are the only, or one of the only, countries left doing so. Also, we should be using what oil deposits we have. I care very much about our environment, and want to keep it beautiful- I'm an Alaskan by birth and absolutely want that beautiful place to be preserved (along with all of our country's beautiful places), but we also have the ability now to extract our oil without destroying the environment around us- it just needs to be done responsibly.
As a student, education is a very important issue to me. I am working four part-time jobs to pay my living expenses (which are fairly modest) and have to take out student loans for tuition to put myself through school. This is not easy, in fact, it is one of the most difficult things that I have ever done, but I think that the value of a college education is very high and the reward of a career that can adequately support myself and my future family (if need be) is worth this temporary sacrifice. I am also aware how many people never have this opportunity, or never take it because of the sacrifices that it entails. I think that education is something, like healthcare, that should be a basic human right. Everyone benefits from education individually, and society benefits from an educated populace. While my focus is mainly on making college affordable for all, this extends to all levels of education, which are sadly under par in this nation. I think that all state run institutions should be free, as a university education is in France, for example. Of course, if someone has the means to pay for an expensive private education or higher degrees, that's great, but a basic education, from pre-school on, including a bachelors degree shouldn't cause people $30-60,000 in debt.
How much better would your life be if you never had to worry about how to pay for your healthcare, especially if something catastrophic were to happen to you or a family member? Or if you could afford to go to college and didn't leave school with thousands of dollars of student loan debt hanging over your head? How much more productive would our society be if people were healthier and better educated? What about heating or cooling your home without fear that you can pay the rest of your bills, or that you can actually afford to travel to and from your job, so that you can afford to keep paying those bills? While I, like most Americans, feel that the government is already taking too much of my small paychecks, I would willingly have more taken out to have the security and equality that these measures would offer. I know that these changes are not likely to happen without some sort of revolution taking place, but I for one will continue to hope that someone else will realize the potential and good that would come from these things. Our country will quickly become a third-world nation if our middle class cannot afford to survive. We will have the very few rich and the rest living in poverty. We are living, now, more than half a century later with New Deal policies and politics (which were revolutionary and great for their time!), which no longer address our society's realities. Big change is needed for us to stay afloat, I'm just afraid that the nation is too afraid of the changes it will take.
Please get out there and register to vote! And then show up on election day and make changes happen!
Friday, October 3, 2008
WOW
I really can't believe that this person is a consideration for ANY government position, much less Vice President- and given John McCain's health record and age- lets be honest, she's one small step away from the real thing! I will admit, she did better than I expected in the Vice Presidential debate, but, then again, should the mere fact that she didn't screw up be considered a success? I don't think so. And, incidentally, she spent most of the debate talking about herself and trying to be as cute and folksy as possible- and I, for one, don't find it to be a positive or down to earth quality I want in a leader, I want someone who can be a professional and is actually well-spoken.
Here is a clip of her recent interview with Katie Couric on the CBS Evening News:
Watch CBS Videos Online
I also strongly suggest you watch Tina Fey's spot-on impersonation on Saturday Night Live's website- it's hilarious and eerily accurate!
Here is a clip of her recent interview with Katie Couric on the CBS Evening News:
Watch CBS Videos Online
I also strongly suggest you watch Tina Fey's spot-on impersonation on Saturday Night Live's website- it's hilarious and eerily accurate!
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Food for Thought
I have been very moved by a few documentaries, and they are films that I wish everyone would see. For me, some of them have been educational, informative and mind broadening, others have been life-changing. All of them are biased in some way or another, though some are more objective than others- but, as humans, we wouldn't tell any story unless we were motivated to do so for some personal reason, they are enjoyable to watch all the same.
1. SICKO, a documentary about the deplorable state of healthcare in the U.S. and comparisons to other countries. Watch the special features on the DVD! This film literally made me want to pack it all up and get the heck out of this country.
2. THE BUSINESS OF BEING BORN, a documentary again about healthcare, but this time focusing on the care of childbearing women. WOW- eye opening!
3. SALUD!, a documentary again (I know) about healthcare, but this time looking at Cuba's amazing success at providing healthcare for all of its people, with a very limited budget. Also their outreach programs. If they can do it on so little money, ANY country can.
4. SUPERSIZE ME, a lighter hearted *sort of * documentary about the downside of the habit of eating fast food, and what it can potentially do to our health. Shocking (we all know it's not good for us, but this was a smack in the head) again- watch the special features for some additional truly surprising experiments. I completely swore off of all fast food for at least a month after watching this, which was a huge effort for me to do.
This list is not exhaustive, but a few that stand out to me. I have seen many other great, educational documentaries, I just can't think of them to add right now. Do you have any must-sees?
1. SICKO, a documentary about the deplorable state of healthcare in the U.S. and comparisons to other countries. Watch the special features on the DVD! This film literally made me want to pack it all up and get the heck out of this country.
2. THE BUSINESS OF BEING BORN, a documentary again about healthcare, but this time focusing on the care of childbearing women. WOW- eye opening!
3. SALUD!, a documentary again (I know) about healthcare, but this time looking at Cuba's amazing success at providing healthcare for all of its people, with a very limited budget. Also their outreach programs. If they can do it on so little money, ANY country can.
4. SUPERSIZE ME, a lighter hearted *sort of * documentary about the downside of the habit of eating fast food, and what it can potentially do to our health. Shocking (we all know it's not good for us, but this was a smack in the head) again- watch the special features for some additional truly surprising experiments. I completely swore off of all fast food for at least a month after watching this, which was a huge effort for me to do.
This list is not exhaustive, but a few that stand out to me. I have seen many other great, educational documentaries, I just can't think of them to add right now. Do you have any must-sees?
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Religion
For those of you who don't know, I'm LDS (or Mormon). I have been since I was fourteen, so about thirteen years now, almost half of my life. I totally and completely believe the gospel of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and that Joseph Smith is/was a true prophet of God. But I have had some real difficulties in practicing/living these beliefs and all that being a member of the Church entails.
First, I'm basically the only member of the church in my family- technically, my oldest brother has been baptized too, but he (I think) adheres only to what he wants, and so it's not a supportive connection. In the Mormon faith, this is both unusual and makes things a little difficult. The church is VERY family focused and really places a high value on family- which I love! However, I kind of feel like I'm floating alone in that Mormon sea, with no family support to help me make the right choices or to set an example for me (not that I don't know what the right choices are, it's just hard when most of your family doesn't understand your religious views, and doesn't want to). Plus, it makes going to church, alone, a little awkward.
Since my first ward split, where I felt very loved, supported and included, I have really struggled to live the gospel and even just attending on Sundays has been really difficult. Since then, most of the people that helped support me and my new faith have sort of drifted out of my life. Needless to say, this has made my teenage and college years, a little difficult. I haven't always made the right choices and I've had to go through some really difficult events in my life without that support from my church "family." With such a lack of support, or really any contact with my religious community for literally, years now, it seems like it would be easier to just walk away and not worry about it anymore. But, I just can't turn my back on something that I know to be true, and that when I'm actively living these principles, makes me truly happy.
I've tried, off and on, since my "home" ward split to attend various wards and I've never found a place that has felt like home, or anyone who truly reaches out to me to try to bring me in and make me feel included. This has been especially hard since my mother's death, I think that in the four and a half years since her passing, I have literally only attended church once or twice- which I feel terrible about, but also kind of afraid to throw myself out there again. Also, I'm very embarrassed to have the church members that I do have occasional contact with to know that I'm not active, even though I want to be.
To further complicate matters, I now have a job where I have to work every Sunday, a situation that, without quitting, I'm not sure I can change. But the biggest roadblock for me right now is my boyfriend, who is not Mormon, not that he opposes my faith in any way, or me practicing it; but the truth of the matter is that me practicing my faith would change our relationship in so many ways that I'm pretty sure I would wind up losing him. This is something very hard for me to even think of, he has been with me through some very hard times in my life and has really become my best friend. I can envision marrying him very easily, I love him and his family completely, except that he's not LDS. I wish that he could open himself to the gospel, because I really believe that if he did, he would learn for himself that it is true, but he is very opposed to religion in general- and I don't want him to be baptized only for me, as that would not accomplish what I really want.
I really strongly feel that it is vital for spouses to be on the same page religiously/morally, etc. to raise a family together, and this is a common foundation that I've always held as an ideal for myself in marriage. I come from a family with divorced parents and I don't want that to be the life I lead. Mormon marriages, and in turn, families are some of the strongest and happiest I've ever seen, and I desperately want that for myself (I'm not saying that they're perfect, or that non-Mormons can't be happy or have good families, it's just something that I've observed). I'm sadly afraid that this will be the breaking point, eventually, in my current relationship- I truly hope that it won't be.
For now, I'm slowly trying to work toward getting back to church, where I'd like to be, but I feel like I have to ride out some of these life situations that are preventing me from doing so (like being able to survive financially without working on Sundays). I hope that, when I have the courage to jump back in fully (and pay the price for mistakes I've made, repentance is never easy) that I find the support I need to make the transition easier. Wish me luck...
First, I'm basically the only member of the church in my family- technically, my oldest brother has been baptized too, but he (I think) adheres only to what he wants, and so it's not a supportive connection. In the Mormon faith, this is both unusual and makes things a little difficult. The church is VERY family focused and really places a high value on family- which I love! However, I kind of feel like I'm floating alone in that Mormon sea, with no family support to help me make the right choices or to set an example for me (not that I don't know what the right choices are, it's just hard when most of your family doesn't understand your religious views, and doesn't want to). Plus, it makes going to church, alone, a little awkward.
Since my first ward split, where I felt very loved, supported and included, I have really struggled to live the gospel and even just attending on Sundays has been really difficult. Since then, most of the people that helped support me and my new faith have sort of drifted out of my life. Needless to say, this has made my teenage and college years, a little difficult. I haven't always made the right choices and I've had to go through some really difficult events in my life without that support from my church "family." With such a lack of support, or really any contact with my religious community for literally, years now, it seems like it would be easier to just walk away and not worry about it anymore. But, I just can't turn my back on something that I know to be true, and that when I'm actively living these principles, makes me truly happy.
I've tried, off and on, since my "home" ward split to attend various wards and I've never found a place that has felt like home, or anyone who truly reaches out to me to try to bring me in and make me feel included. This has been especially hard since my mother's death, I think that in the four and a half years since her passing, I have literally only attended church once or twice- which I feel terrible about, but also kind of afraid to throw myself out there again. Also, I'm very embarrassed to have the church members that I do have occasional contact with to know that I'm not active, even though I want to be.
To further complicate matters, I now have a job where I have to work every Sunday, a situation that, without quitting, I'm not sure I can change. But the biggest roadblock for me right now is my boyfriend, who is not Mormon, not that he opposes my faith in any way, or me practicing it; but the truth of the matter is that me practicing my faith would change our relationship in so many ways that I'm pretty sure I would wind up losing him. This is something very hard for me to even think of, he has been with me through some very hard times in my life and has really become my best friend. I can envision marrying him very easily, I love him and his family completely, except that he's not LDS. I wish that he could open himself to the gospel, because I really believe that if he did, he would learn for himself that it is true, but he is very opposed to religion in general- and I don't want him to be baptized only for me, as that would not accomplish what I really want.
I really strongly feel that it is vital for spouses to be on the same page religiously/morally, etc. to raise a family together, and this is a common foundation that I've always held as an ideal for myself in marriage. I come from a family with divorced parents and I don't want that to be the life I lead. Mormon marriages, and in turn, families are some of the strongest and happiest I've ever seen, and I desperately want that for myself (I'm not saying that they're perfect, or that non-Mormons can't be happy or have good families, it's just something that I've observed). I'm sadly afraid that this will be the breaking point, eventually, in my current relationship- I truly hope that it won't be.
For now, I'm slowly trying to work toward getting back to church, where I'd like to be, but I feel like I have to ride out some of these life situations that are preventing me from doing so (like being able to survive financially without working on Sundays). I hope that, when I have the courage to jump back in fully (and pay the price for mistakes I've made, repentance is never easy) that I find the support I need to make the transition easier. Wish me luck...
Friday, September 19, 2008
Health and Such
Well, I've been trying to lose weight and get into better shape for a while now- four or five years really, but actively since March when I joined Weight Watchers. I do really well for a few weeks, then sort of fall off the wagon, gain back a little, and then get re-motivated to start again. Ultimately, I'd like to lose 50-60 lbs, but I realize this will take some serious dedication, and exercise in addition to dieting. My college student and work schedules generally leave me exhausted, so I usually don't want to cook dinner, so... fast food + being exhausted (and not really enjoying exercise) = poor eating habits and not nearly enough exercise. But, I'm working on it. I've lost a total of 11 lbs so far.
To complicate matters, and scare the crap out of me, my doctor told me in August that I'm pre-diabetic in addition to my slow thyroid problems. So, even more incentive to really commit to losing weight. If I can lose the weight then I may prevent diabetes all together, or at least put it way off into the future (and reduce my risk for heart disease which often co-occurs with diabetes. Lucky me, I have a strong family history for both!). The downside is the medication that I'm taking to help aid my weight-loss and control my blood sugar- Metformin ER- makes me feel rotten: nauseous, headachy, tired, and swinging from extreme hunger to no appetite. So, I really feel like heading to the gym feeling this way!
Hmm... That might be depressing enough for today :) It can only get better from here, right?
To complicate matters, and scare the crap out of me, my doctor told me in August that I'm pre-diabetic in addition to my slow thyroid problems. So, even more incentive to really commit to losing weight. If I can lose the weight then I may prevent diabetes all together, or at least put it way off into the future (and reduce my risk for heart disease which often co-occurs with diabetes. Lucky me, I have a strong family history for both!). The downside is the medication that I'm taking to help aid my weight-loss and control my blood sugar- Metformin ER- makes me feel rotten: nauseous, headachy, tired, and swinging from extreme hunger to no appetite. So, I really feel like heading to the gym feeling this way!
Hmm... That might be depressing enough for today :) It can only get better from here, right?
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Off to a slow start
Well, so much for writing on this thing frequently! Summer school came and went, and I did well. And then the Fall semester started, and it is kicking my butt! I can't ever remember having so much work to do- EVER. But, maybe I'm just feeling the pressure more since this is my LAST year- woohoo!!!! So, no room for do-overs or failure, which is a little scary, at least if I actually want to graduate in May- and I am desperate to do so. On top of the crazy school schedule, since May I've been working not one, not two, but four part-time jobs! And to really top the cake, one of my classes requires a volunteer work project too! So, needless to say, I'm ready to pull my hair out, and most days wind up taking a nap to cope with the stress and just not knowing where to start. I have quite a lot that is happened in the last few months that I would like to go back and catch up about writing on, but that will happen as time allows.
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