And some things never change

My last post was all about change! My whole life is changing! And yet, sometimes, some things also never change.

Like my terrible sleeping habits.

Despite all of the good things about my new profession, it has been decidedly terrible for my already less-than-normal sleep schedule.

Take last night for example. I was awake until roughly 6:30 am. Now, to be fair, I had slept in until about 11 am the previous morning- but that is not unusual for me, it's even a bit on the early side for me to be "awake" on a day off.

I'm sure I've said it before, but I would really LOVE to be a morning person. I would. Get up early, full of energy, tackle the day, GET THINGS DONE! The world seems to operate on a schedule catered to morning people. This does not seem to be in my genetic make-up, sadly. I love late nights, and to a certain degree, I love sleeping in late. I love sleeping in general and napping I have a special love for. It always feels so luxurious to sleep (but especially to nap), like a guilty pleasure. And yet, when I sleep in I always feel like a good part of my day is wasted- poof! Gone! (I know, it is gone.) So I wake up already with a mild sense of self-loathing and tend to accomplish very little when I don't have to be anywhere at a specific time.

I want to change this, really I do. I have no idea how to realistically do so with my current crazy schedule.

I know all about sleep hygiene. It's completely useless in my situation. There are days when I've got to be up before 4am for work (earlier, sometimes, when taking various time zones into consideration), other days I might not start my work day until late in the evening. There is no basis for creating consistency for when to go to bed or wake up. So, I don't. Some days I'm well rested and feel ready to conquer the world (about 10 days per year). Most days I'm a miserable tired mess, just muddling through, barely surviving.

Sadly, in the last year or so, I have actually noticed that napping is starting to interfere with my night-time sleep. It previously didn't seem to. This is both sad, and maybe a step forward. I TRY not to nap any longer, but there are days when I simply can't function without one. I'm trying to push myself through my tiredness more days than not now and refuse the urge to nap, hoping I'll go to bed at a reasonable hour. Sometimes it works; other times, 10pm, 11pm, 1am roll by and I'm still awake, despite the denial of a nap earlier.

Why can't I sleep? I really don't know. Sometimes it's stress, my mind ruminating, refusing to shut down, ignoring my rational pleas for sleep. Last night it was wedding stuff. After 3 hours of TRYING to sleep, I gave up and tried to start making lists of the things I need to remember to do with regard to the wedding. This culminated in a list with over 45 items "to-do" that had been previously bouncing around my head. Whew! That's done. Guess what? I still didn't feel drowsy. So I cleaned out my email... then, feeling ridiculous for still being awake, I tried to go to sleep again. It worked, after waiting roughly another 90 minutes for sleep.

My terrible sleep habits and routine late risings make me feel like I'm a terrible pet parent too. I worry that it might be the cause of Teddie's eating difficulty or sometimes resistance to eat her breakfast, because she lacks a normal feeding schedule. It makes me terrified of having children...

So, that's me today. Tired, frustrated, and disappointed that even though I slept until nearly noon that I got less than 6 hours of sleep.

The Only Thing Constant is Change

Boy, isn't that title the truth?! That seems especially true of my life recently.

You will have seen in my last post that I have embarked upon a new job? That was also before I successfully completed training for that new job. I did, in fact, graduate from FA training on 9-13-11! It was a rather intense 4 weeks filled with tests and studying. After graduation I completed my inflight test, which I also passed! So I have been a fully FAA qualified FA for almost 2 full months now. I won't lie, it has had its ups and downs (ha, ha) literally and figuratively. I'm hoping the downs are truly just to this season of the year and low flight schedules...

The biggest, most significant change, however, came in my personal life. On October 4, 2011, my wonderful boyfriend of nearly 8 years asked me to be his wife! The proposal was quiet, sweet and romantic at home. It was perfect (and truly a surprise) complete with him on one knee and The Blue Box of my romantic teenage dreams! I, naturally, said "YES!" and we have been wedding planning since. Trying to plan a wedding in just about 7 months seems to be a challenge! Hopefully soon we will make some headway. My new work and his already hectic schedule complicate planning things just a bit.

The engagement and pending wedding have really added fuel to my dieting fire! The very morning after we became engaged I signed up for Weight Watchers (again). I am determined to lose a significant amount of weight before my wedding. I think this is an excellent source of motivation, but I am terrified that I will not meet my goal. I am also experiencing a real dilemma about wedding gown purchasing because of this. My problem? I don't want to purchase a wedding gown in the size that currently fits me. I'm hoping to lose a minimum of 40 lbs before my wedding, and most wedding gowns can only be altered down 2 sizes. I'm hoping to reduce my size from between 2-4 sizes smaller (which is a lofty goal, I know), and I'm afraid that if I do reach my goal a dress that currently fits will then not be fixable to the size I will need. I know most people advise against buying a wedding dress smaller than ones current size, and I understand why. How horrible to purchase a dress that is too small to wear on your wedding day! I'm considering doing it anyway though. I know that I will be miserable seeing wedding pictures of myself at my current weight, and frankly, that is not the lasting wedding memory that I want. I also think that having such a finite goal and deadline will add an element of discipline to my eating and exercise habits that have previously been lacking. So, am I crazy? Stupid? Naive? Probably. But I'm sure I'd stop eating altogether if it meant I were going to fit into my wedding dress (That is not my plan though! I will currently refer to that as "Plan B.").

Any advice out there- diet/exercise/weight loss, wedding planning, or other?

Hello Again

Hello again my poor, neglected blog!

The year has flown by with little thought of writing anything down! I should really make a more concerted effort to keep things updated, but well, life just seems to get in the way!

Life has been full of changes this year! I moved out of my tiny condo and into a HUGE house with an incredible yard for Teddie! This house came along with new roommates, in the form of my big brother (recently retired from 20 years of service in the Air Force) and his wife and their dog Dude.

After MONTHS of searching for a new job, I was offered 2 jobs within 24 hours of each other! After an agonizing week of lists of pros and cons, I went with my gut and took a big scary leap into a new career as a Flight Attendant for Frontier Airlines! So, I've quit my old primary gig and taken a leave of absence from my more part-time-ish gig (to see if it can still fit into this new life, or not)! I'm currently about a week and a half into my four and a half weeks of Flight Attendant (FA) training- and let me just say that this is MUCH HARDER THAN IT SEEMS! I'll talk more about this later...

I completed my FIRST RACE on August 21st! I ran (jogged occasionally, and walked a lot) the Warrior Dash in Copper Mountain (a 5k, essentially, with a bunch of obstacles added in- at roughly 10,000 ft!)! It was hard, muddy and fun! My goal was only to finish without stopping- which I did. Considering the almost zero training that I did, I'm ok with having finished in 1 hour and 13 minutes.

Teddie is gradually growing into a "good" girl, but some days it is very uphill work. I was incredibly lucky to be able to take her to work with me for 5 months, and am now lucky to have a roommate who is home almost all day, every day while I'm gone. She's still naughty, energetic and stubborn, but improving.

This is about all of the check-in time I can muster at the moment, I've got to get back to studying, but I'll try to be more regular. I know that I HATE it when the blogs that I enjoy reading are updated infrequently (don't they KNOW that I rely on that entertainment?!), though, I have no idea if anyone besides me really sees this ;)

Puppy!

My life has been taken over by a tiny, toothy little tyrant.

She's adorable.

She's awful (Oh so naughty).

Her name is Theodora Tonks. Or, Teddie, as we refer to her (and she responds to).

In the (almost) 8 weeks that she has been in our lives she has transformed from this:

To this:

And this:

Don't let that face fool you! Oh yes, she's cute! But she is quite easily the naughtiest puppy I've ever owned.

We were completely deceived. When we adopted her she was the sweetest, cuddliest, sleepiest puppy on the planet. She slept in her crate without a peep the first night. The next day (and from then on) she has been a whirling dervish that was bred with a Tasmanian Devil (that never tires).

She's quite a little comedian. She's smart. She's busy. She's wild.

Despite the lack of sleep and the energy that she sucks from me, I'm so glad that this little fluff ball has joined the family. I'm confident that eventually she will spend more than an hour without serving a time-out (in her crate) and I'm hoping that someday she will enjoy a good cuddle.

Thankful

I told him on Thanksgiving Day, but...

I'm really, truly thankful for my amazing boyfriend. It's incredible to feel like I've finally found someone who is my partner in life, completely. There is nothing that I can't come to him with, nothing he would refuse me (and I him). I am so excited for all of the things that our future holds!

I'm thankful for the wonderful family that I was able to spend Thanksgiving with, which was both my family and his. It feels so comforting to feel like his family has really embraced me as one of their own, like I belong.

I'm thankful for the family that I love very much that I wasn't able to spend the day with too. They were still in my thoughts, even if they weren't at my table.

A Dream Has Died

It's official. Prince William is engaged.

I know. Terrible news.

As a little girl, I always dreamed that I'd marry Prince William. We were the same age, he was cute, he was a Prince, sexy accent. It was all perfect. I knew that if we were ever to meet that he would instantly fall in love with me.

I was even in London, at Prince Charles' residence on Williams 16th birthday. Alas, we didn't meet. Why didn't I study abroad in Scotland in college?!

I usually never get wrapped up in media stories like this, but I can't help but admit I think this is a bit exciting. I think they're an adorable couple, she's very pretty, and I hope they really do have a great, untroubled life.

Late Night Politics

It's interesting that the religious right-wing (Republicans, usually) is adamantly against abortion, and yet are frequently pro-death penalty and against gun control? It seems inconsistent that they place such a high value on life, but only before it enters the world. And that this same group is often the ones voting against keeping all of these precious lives healthy through measures such as health care for all, because that crosses the line into too much government interference in peoples' private lives (but we want to control your reproductive life!).

Hmm...seems very inconsistent to me.